Adventures of The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Every once in awhile when I have the urge to write but am not sure where to start, I’ll find a writing prompt. I looked for some today, and this one’s simple, declarative statement caught my attention:  “These were the good times.”

Yesterday our church staff was meditating on the first chapter of the book of James, and in his discussion of living through life’s tests and challenges James reminded us, “don’t try to get out of anything prematurely.” Wow, that is me all over. I have an addictive personality, and one thing we addicts will always try to do is escape from anything painful or difficult absolutely as quickly as possible. I realize that might be said of most people, but addicts will run over every boundary, every limit, and everyone in our desperate attempt to avoid discomfort. And we absolutely hate staying in the present moment.

The thing is, God is all about the present moment. Our belief that we can somehow undo our past or control our future is an illusion, one of the most pernicious illusions we cling to. We may be able to make amends for the wrongs we’ve done that have hurt others, but we cannot erase those mistakes. And as far as determining our future goes, the only aspects of it that we have absolute control over are our attitudes and responses toward whatever life throws at us. If we believe otherwise, we’ll live in constant frustration over every situation that doesn’t go our way, and ever-deepening resentment toward the people who don’t treat us the way we think they should. We become trapped in the past and frightened by the future. We look behind us and say, “Ah, those were the good times. I wish I could go back.” Or I wish I could do it over, or I wish he wouldn’t have been so cruel, or I wish I hadn’t lost that job, or I wish I would have made a different decision. The good times…when we were younger, or healthier, had less responsibility and more time, or more money and fewer debts. We blame ourselves, we blame others, we blame God, we blame life. And we are afraid we’ll never get those good times back.

The simple truth is that we won’t.

There are still good times to be had, but they will look and feel different than the old ones. God is continually creating, and that means that He and we are continually, daily, building our lives together. And yes, as they say in Alcoholics Anonymous, He does it one day at a time. He cares about our past an our future, but His primary focus is on our present moment.

While God is all about the present, many of us are all about the why didn’ts and what ifs. The why didn’ts tempt us to shake our fists at God and scream, “Why didn’t you stop this?” Or stop her…or do what I needed You to do, or give me what I needed you to give me? The why didn’ts keep us imprisoned in the past.

The what ifs are the antithesis of faith; if faith is the evidence of things hoped for, the what ifs are the tormentors who ruin our future. What if I lose my job? What if I get sick? What if he leaves me?

The sooner we realize that we cannot change the past or control the future, the sooner we can begin the blessed act of surrender. The kind of surrender I’m talking about is not giving up and succumbing to hopelessness; on the contrary, it is, as they say in AA, letting go and letting God. The first three steps of AA’s twelve steps can be summed up by the simple phrase,  “I can’t, God can, I think I’ll let Him.” Godly surrender brings with it an incredible sense of relief and peace, as we finally let down our shoulders and exhale that big breath we’ve been holding as we waited for the other shoe to drop.

Don’t quit; surrender. Don’t give up; let go. Say goodbye to the why didn’ts and what ifs, and discover the new good times.